Hey all;

 

  So, I was browsing the net and something kinda annoying happened.  You know when you have a page opening, and you see the link you want, so you quickly click on it to avoid waiting?  But, it turns out that the page was taking so long opening because it was either loading another spam page, or because it was loading a dynamic banner?  Instead of clicking on the link you wanted, you ended up clicking on an ad, which, in turn, opens a whole other page?  Well, that's what happened to me.  And I ended up opening Lavalife.  I think that's what it is called.

  Ever the adventure seeker, I began to browse through the site to see what I could see.  It's interesting.  It's truly amazing how many people in this world are seeking companionship.  It's also amazing how many fat/ugly people try to put up artistic pictures to hide their look.  Hey, people... confidence!  Be confident and the world is yours!

  It's also amazing how many people try to sound smart on their little tiny sentence that accompanies their pictures.  Like: "I love a good latte, a Walt Whitman novel, a good bottle of wine and a symphony."  You know that that really means; "I drink too much coffee while wearing my trendy logo shirt, I drink booze to hide my pain, and I listen to very little music, and if I listen to symphony, I do it only to seem smart, because I really enjoy punk rock or country."  And honestly, how could you like Walt Whitman?  Megods folks, he was an insane weirdo with a large vocabulary.  No unlike yours truly, I suppose.  But at least I don't have the gnarly ugly beard.

  Anyway, enough of the open mockery of the personal ad.  I mean, it's great that people find the courage to seek connections out there and its great that they put themselves out there for heartless jerks like me to mock.  I really do admire the fortitude to take that step.

  Regardless of any forthcoming admiration, though, I thought I would take the time to make my own personal ad.  I'm not going to pay a cent to do it, either, because it will be right here.

 

Screen name:  Wonderstud XXX

 

Sex:  Male

 

Status:  In a long term committment, happily and without any desire to change it.

 

Seeks:  Friendship, idle philosophical banter, or 4 hot women who want to share dirty time with me and my hot girlfriend all at the same time...no string attached and no cameras.  Oh, and someone who likes cats.

 

Last book I read:  "Canticle" by R.A. Salvatore.  It was mediocre, but a childhood favorite.  Just before that I read "Chainfire" by Terry Goodkind.  Awesomeness!

 

5 things I couldn't live without:  My heart, my brain, my lungs, my liver, and blood.  It's true, I couldn't live without them.

 

If there was only one word I could use to describe myself it would be:  http://spaces.msn.com/members/FredandChristine .  That's one word, right?

 

My favorite saying:  A bird in the hand is worth the same as the gander when the cat is away.  No, that's not it.  How about:  Why yes, that is my briefcase full of unmarked bills, all in untraceable 5's, 10's and 20's.  Thank you for returning it.

 

What I'm looking for in a relationship:  Me.  I'm looking for me in a relationship.  And, oh look, I found it!  I'm in one!

 

Celebrity I resemble most:  Bruce Willis mixed with Uncle Fester.

 

One thing that makes me unique:  My DNA.

 

The first thing I look at when I look at a woman:  My girlfriend to see if she noticed.

 

My favorite pornographic movie:  Pirates

 

My favorite pornographic magazine:  Penthouse Letters

 

My favorite pornographic cereal:  Fruit Loops

 

If I could be anywhere in the world right now it would be:  Wherever I am.  Only not the me that is writing this, but the rich, successful me that I haven't met yet.

 

  Alright, I'm done.  Take care all and talk to you soon.

 

Fred